Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize