You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize