i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
what day is it and did you see me today?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
