i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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