...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You can't motorboat a personality
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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