who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
