What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
