Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
