why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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