Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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