If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
