You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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