dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I need water and some morals
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
