Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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