Are we in a gay sports bar?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
