I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
