You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
