Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
