All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
