I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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