I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
