I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
