he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
