How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
