No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I am midnight drunk by noon
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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