the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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