She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
