as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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