Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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