I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
