dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
