At least make sure they are 18
Why
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
