Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
