The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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