I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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