I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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