I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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