Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
