Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
