Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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