i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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