The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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