Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
