I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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