in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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