I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Oh god it's open bar.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
