girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
