when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
