whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
