hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
