my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
